uma of many withdrawals, stopping turned out to be the easiest bit. God knows I did it enough times. Unfortunately, every time but the last, I started drinking again within a very short period of time. So for me it was never about the stopping, it was about the staying stopped, it was really about how to face life without alcohol, my best friend and comforter for more than thirty years.I know you have to do all the usual things to help you stay sober, like staying away from pubs and clubs and other places where alcohol is available. Going to AA meetings and mixing with like minded people is important for some, there is strength in numbers.
But there's more to it than that. What is required is a complete change of mindset. I went from being completely dependent and reliant on alcohol to even get out of bed, to a realisation that I could live my life very happily without alcohol. Many times I have asked myself where my change of mind came from. Although deep down I knew, it was hard for me to accept, because I have, despite my alcoholism and all the completely stupid things I did whilst living as a drunk, a rational and logical mind, kind of.... But I had been an alcoholic for many years and done many illogical things, and despite countless hospital visits, detoxes and serious and life threatening experiences, I continued to drink, so what happened to change this?
I was lucky because I had what the AA call a 'spiritual experience' whilst I was in my last rehab, and that's where my recovery really began. If you've ever been in rehab, you'll know that it's a fairly safe place to begin a recovery from addiction, because you're away from all the temptations that usually you are confronted with in the real world. But that's part of the problem. Coming back out into mainstream life after three or even six months in a rehab can be a mind blowing exprience and can present you with all sorts of problems that you may find difficult to handle, and can easily lead to relapse. Unfortunately I have known many people who, on leaving rehab, relapsed and eventually died. The problem is usually that you go back out to the same situation and the same people and circle of friends that were there before you went in. This must be avoided, at least for a good while, you can't mix with drinkers if you're an alcoholic, and you can't mix with junkies if you're recovering from a drug addiction. If you do, you are likely to start again where you left off, and you are likely to die.
The most important thing I did when I left my last rehab was to get a job. I needed to have a reason to get up in the morning and I didn't care what I did or where I worked. Again I was lucky, and got a job within a week of leaving rehab, working for B and Q. The hours of the job were such that I couldn't attend AA meetings, but for me the self respect I gained from getting up each morning and going off to work was much more important. And I didn't have to time to sit around thinking about my situation, which had proved disastrous in the past. The next thing I did was to start writing down my experiences, which is where Demons in the Dark came from, initially for my own benefit, but after a while and much encouragement from friends and family, I decided to publish it and see where it went. If it helps one addict then it was worth the effort.
I wanted to work in the care sector really, so I applied for and got another job in the social care sector. Lucky again. I'm still working in this job and I love it. It can be a very demanding and stressful job, but its worthwhile and rewarding. The point I'm trying to make here is that giving up the booze leaves a bloody great hole inside you that needs to be filled with something. Work seemed to be the ideal solution, and along with not thinking I was cured and becoming complacement has helped me greatly. That's another huge danger, thinking that after you've been sober for a while it's fine to go out and have a little taster, a pint of two just to prove to yourself that you're better now. I done that a lot too, and it always ended badly. You can't cure alcoholism!
To me though, the most important realisation of all, was that the hole had always been there, and for thirty odd years I had tried to fill it with alcohol. And then, completely against all my rational thinking and Mr Spock logic, I realised that the hole I had been trying to fill with booze for most of my life was exactly God shaped, and that once I invited Him in by asking for help, the hole was filled and all desire and craving for alcohol completely disappeared. So maybe I wasn't being lucky all these times, maybe I had help. OK, I can the the sniggering from here. But that's fine, I don't mind. I'm sober and happy, and it's my beliefs that keep me that way, so snigger away.
My top tips for sober living
- Put your trust and your life into the hands of God as you understand him, it works if you believe it.
- Stay away from wet places and away from people who use alcohol or drugs.
- Don't get complacent, don't think you're cured, cause you ain't and you never will be.
- Go to as many AA meetings as you can, be with like minded people.
- Be careful of getting into relationships too soon, other peoples expectations can be dangerous for you.
- Try to read the Big Book at least once a day (I keep mine in the toilet), allow yourself a little reflective time to remember where you've come from, and just how far you've come.
- Thank God everyday for you sobriety and for giving you your life back.
- Be nice to people, avoid anger and resentments, they're both dangerous.
- Smile
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